Well, these thoughts are sort of a continuation of my last blog entry, so if you didn't read it, go back and do so, so you will know what I am talking about.
Yesterday, I set my mind to achieving all the areas that I feel like I am lacking...just to see if I would like myself better. I "baked" Reagan's breakfast, making Oatmeal Raisin bars, a recipe a got from Amy Kelley (thanks Amy). They were really good but Reagan didn't want them for breakfast. When I handed her the fresh from the oven bar, she looked at it a little funny, but took it anyway. She took one bite and said, "Yummy, but can I have my chocolate granola bar for breakfast?" So I handed her the "out of wrapper" breakfast, not one made with love. Of course the granola bar was organic....that makes it better right? Check.
I walked again and did some random exercises in the house, so I got to mark getting back into shape off of my list. Check.
I had a great quiet time yesterday morning, getting up early enough to read and study the Bible and pray. Check .
I worked on my DT lesson during the girls' nap time and encouraged a few with some comments on Facebook. This would fall under trying to expand my ministry. Check.
I sat down with Reagan and Gracen and read several books to them and then when Gracen went to sleep, Reagan and I had a art session. We painted pictures of flowers and pumpkins and then made torn paper pumpkins using glue. Reagan wanted to cut out some pieces of different colored construction paper and glue them into a collage of sorts. So, we cut and pasted....well-rounded Mom, right. Check, check.
I took a shower and tried to make myself look presentable, covering the "grooming my outside" issue. Check. Check. Check.
Did all these things make me feel better. Did I like myself more? Did I feel more complete as a person? Did I feel like a better mom? Not really. I was just really tired when I went to bed.
God is not going to allow my self worth to come from anything other than Him.
Satan loves it when I get into a complete funk, when I get down on my self, when I lose my joy. It is his daily goal to use my everyday experiences, both big and small, to cripple my true identity in Christ. If he can cripple my identity, then I become useless for the kingdom of Christ. Satan delights in my feelings of inadequacy and I do not want him to win. So today, I will continue to pray against the feelings that I am not good enough at anything. Today I will choose to be joyful about everything that is going on in my life, the good and the bad. Today, I will separate my shortcomings from my identity and let Jesus be the only measure of my worth.