Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Loss of Sleep

It has been a long and difficult 24 hours. I forget how important sleep is until it is gone. It is a precious gift isn't it? I am praying that I recieve the gift of sleep tonight, because I certainly didn't last night.

I always go to bed by 10:00. Actually 10:00 is probably a little late for me. Gene and I both like to go bed before then because we both get up really early. Well, last night I decided to stay up because I didn't feel that tired and I had a few little projects that I wanted to get done. Gene was so tired and got in bed around 8:30. I think I laid down around 11:00 or 11:30. Well, my head wasn't on the pillow 10 minutes when I heard Gracen crying. Gracen NEVER cries in the night. She is the best sleeper. I can't even remember the last time that she woke up in the night. Well, she was congested and had a runny nose, and I could tell that she just didn't feel good. She wanted Momma...for hours, despite my best efforts to get her back to sleep.

I was anticipating a wonderful nap today. No such luck! Gracen refused to sleep even 10 minutes, and she normally sleeps 2 -3 hours. I started trying to lay her down around 12:00. She would lay for about 10 minutes and then start crying. I felt like a walking zombie by 2:00 because I was just so tired. I had no energy whatsoever. To make matters worse, Gracen was cranky and snotty and needy all afternoon. Ugh! It is hard to patiently deal with that with I am tired myself.

I finally got both girls in the bed and asleep at 8:00...about 30 minutes after the goal time due to Reagan's incessant requests for "just one more Bible story and one more prayer".

I can say with certainty that God is my refuge and my strong tower in times of need. I had many moments today and last night that I just had to stop and pray and ask Him to give me strength and patience to be the mom that He wanted me to be, the mom that loves as Jesus loves me. And do you know what, He answered those requests. At some moments today, I surprised myself at how patient I was as I dealt with both girls in my exhausted state. In those moments I knew that was God. It wasn't me, it was the one who lives within me. I am thankful tonight as I am getting ready to go to bed and hopefully stay in the bed, that with God's help, I CAN be the mother that I desire to be and when I am not, He will gently convict me and pull me back onto the correct path.

Daily, I am thankful that I don't have to do this mothering thing alone. I have a partner who is with me 24/7, who will never leave me or forsake me. Thank you Lord for your constant love and provision. Thank you Lord for being so strong when I am so weak. Thank you Lord for loving me consistently, and I ask that You would empower me to love my girls in the same way. Thank you Lord for your forgiveness and your after day. Your mercies truly are new every morning.

Until next time...

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