Well, you will remember yesterday's post and our issues with Reagan's sleep. The phase has not passed yet. Last night, I heard her talking and singing until well after 11:00pm and she woke me up at 4:00am. I did get her to eventually go back to sleep, but I have been unable to go back to sleep myself. Got to love it! I am so ready for the day when I can go to sleep when I want to and get up when I want to. I realize this will be years from now..... it's depressing to think about. Anyway, I was starving when I got up at 4:00, so I ate breakfast. It is 7:00 now and I am eating again and I'll be ready for my mid-morning snack by 10:00 or so. All that can't be good for the waistline. Breastfeeding really makes me hungry though.
Speaking of breastfeeding, I have some major pain on one side. From what I have read, I have a blocked milk duct. I am going to have to get on the phone this morning and figure out what to do for this. I am literally throbbing as I sit here......NOT looking forward to Gracen latching on this morning. Anyway, I hope this issue isn't the beginning of problems. Nursing has so been sweet and such a bonding time with Gracen. I love to watch her wrap her little legs around my arm or grab my hand and hold on while she eats. She is starting to grasp my chin or rub my cheek as she's eating, too. So sweet! I hate to be forced to stop before I am ready. In some ways, I am ready to stop, in other ways, I am not. I do want it to be my choice though, not caused by some infection.
Recently I have posted a few entries about waiting on God. When we are suffering, from whatever the cause, waiting on God's answer is difficult. I have been reading Anne Graham Lotz's book called Just Give Me Jesus and she has several interesting chapters on suffering. I thought I would share some of her thoughts today.
John 9: 1-41 The story of the blind beggar....blind since birth
"After considering whether your suffering is your fault, or your parent's fault, or someone else's fault, realize it may be that your suffering in no one's fault. The disciples, who were so sure the poor man's handicap was someone's fault, were admonished by Jesus, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned...but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:3
"The apostle Paul was in some way handicapped himself. He referred to it as a "thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan" that tormented him. He pleaded with the Lord to take it away but He responded in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
"Suffering gives God opportunities to work for His glory. That is why Peter, who himself had been beaten, imprisoned, and persecuted, encouraged other believers while awaiting his own execution, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith, of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:6-7
"What kind of trials have caused you to suffer grief? Could it be that God has given you a platform of suffering from which you can be a witness of His power and grace to those who are watching? Because if we always feel good and look good and lead a good life; if our kids always behave and our boss is always pleased and our home is always orderly and our friends are always available and our bank account is always sufficient and our car always starts and our bodies always feel good and we are patient and kind and thoughtful and happy and loving.....others shrug because they're capable of being that way too. On the other hand, if we have a splitting headache, the kids are screaming, the phone is ringing, the boss is yelling, the supper is burning, etc., and yet we are still patient, kind, thoughtful, happy, and loving, the world sits up and takes notice. The world knows that kind of behavior is not natural. It's supernatural. And others see Jesus revealed in us. Suffering is a gleaming showcase for the display of the precious gems of His character that are reflected in you."
I don't know about you but her insights on suffering have given me a lot to think about....and I'll share a few more in the days to come. When I read on suffering I am always reminded of my infertility and all the feelings associated with that time. I still think God will use it in some way. I pretty much have a Bible study laid out and ready to go on enduring infertility and the lessons I learned....but haven't had the platform to teach it yet. I am also drawn to GracePlace Pregnancy Center. I would love to get involved there and maybe be a volunteer counselor. I thought I would do that when Reagan entered school, but now Gracen is here. So that will have to wait for a little longer too.
God prepare my heart for the platform you will give me!
What have you been through? What platform has God given you? Maybe you have endured infertility, disease, death of a child or loved one, financial loss, natural disaster, divorce, abuse....Be reminded and encouraged that God uses everything for His glory.