Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I think one of the most frustrating things about being a mom is the loss of any time for yourself. I love to read and I love Bible study. I remember the mornings before children...I could easily spend 2 hours doing on-line Beth Moore studies, etc. I had a great prayer time and felt ready to conquer the day. I love my girls, but man, I miss that so much.

I have really been struggling with having a "meaty" quiet time. Not only for myself, and my family, but the college girls I teach as well. I want to be able to give to them out of the overflow of my own heart. I want them to see a passion in me for God and His word, not a worn out mommy! You'll remember that I determined to start getting up at 5:00am to get my quiet time in.....NOT because I felt like I had to do it and check it off my to-do list, but because I truly desire that time with God. Well, this week, both of my kids have decided to start getting up earlier. Reagan has been consistently getting up before 6:30 and Gracen was up at 6:00 yesterday and 5:20 today.......5:20.....are you kidding me? It is like I have a radar on me and when my feet hit the floor, they know it. Well, I cannot get up before 5:00am, so I am frustrated. I want God in his sovereignty and His unlimited power to make my kids sleep. Is that too much to ask, really?

I think I just feel a little "dry" because of the season of mothering that I am in. I have missed the last 3 or 4 worship services or at least most of them because I am in the breastfeeding room nursing Gracen, and even in my own car, I miss singing along with my praise and worship music because Reagan is listening to a CD or watching a movie or just talking.....not to mention when Gracen starts to cry.

This morning after dropping Reagan off for preschool, Gracen fell asleep in the car and I dug out one of my old Jeremy Camp CD's. I started listening to the words as I drove home. I couldn't help but sing and as I did, my eyes just filled up with tears. Read the words below:

As I stand here in your presence
Of Your beauty I will always stand in awe
I reach my hands out to the heavens
And I lift my voice to You alone
As I bow my head before You
I lay my burdens down at your nail pierced feet
Every ounce of you radiates Your glory
With You I know that I am complete
And I sing, Hallelujah, You are my God, Maker of the heavens
Hallelujah, You are my Lord
I bow before your presence

There are a few more verses, but they are repetitive in nature, so I think you get the idea.
Let me stress that I am so thankful I am a mother after 10 years of desperately wanting a baby. Before children, the house was so quiet, too quiet really. But now, I am trying to figure out how to balance it all and still have those quiet moments with God.

Psalm 42:1 "As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God."
I am discovering the true meaning of this verse. The deer depends on water and so I must depend on God. I am thirsty and can't seem to fill my cup. I need some encouragement from other mothers. How did you survive during the season with little ones?


  1. I remember and can relate! Girl, go get you an your songs and then download podcasts of pastor's sermons. You can be taught, refreshed, and learn: anywhere, anytime! Also, now is a great time to have a "less meaty" QT at the kitchen table while Reagan is watching, let her read a book, a bible, draw a picture...and then both talk about what God showed you.

    On a side note, if it is your feet hitting the floor - put your bible on the night stand and don't let your feet touch! Love you.

  2. Lori, you are wise beyond your years. I guess I just want my quiet time to look like it always has....uninterrupted time, with God, by myself.
    Love you too,

  3. I remember trying to do the same thing. They really must have that radar to know that mommy's up. Each season of life has it's trials. You just have to keep trying to see what works for you. Maybe it's no longer early morning but another time. I have found that night's are the only time that are consistent for me right now.