I am plowing forward on this journey with Beth Moore to restore my God given security. Thankfully these two chapters are the end of focusing on the problem. Chapter 9 starts to look at the solution. I am glad because I am tired of poking around in my negative self consciousness.
Chapter 7 is a collection of responses from women across the country, sharing examples of specific things and experiences that have made them feel insecure. In my journaling, I am suppose to pick the one that hit home with me the most. I could certainly relate to a lot of the stories because so many were experiences common among women in general, but one stuck out more than the others. This one goes back to self image, which I have already discussed, so I am not going to beat a dead horse here.
Briefly, a lady wrote in about her teeth. She grew up with "buck teeth" because she had more teeth than she had room in her mouth. She couldn't even close her mouth. She was dramatized growing up by other children who made fun of her. Even as an adolescent, she had many people tell her she would be so pretty if she would only get her teeth fixed. No one wants to hear that... that you would be pretty if only.... That is just cruel. My situation is my no means as severe as hers, but I could relate in many ways. I didn't have crooked teeth growing up. This has happened in the last ten years, so I wasn't scarred as this sweet lady was. But she did make a comment that struck a cord with me. She said that she overcompensated in other areas, trying to take the focus off of her teeth. She wouldn't leave the house without perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect clothes. Now, let me stress that "perfect" is a complete stretch for me, but my insecurity keeps me from leaving my house without make-up on and my hair washed, dried, and fixed. I won't even run up to our local gas station to buy milk without getting ready first. When I go to have my hair cut and colored, I shower and fix my hair. Crazy now that I think about it. That is like cleaning your own house before the maid comes. My mother-in-law says that I am vain. Not in a snobby way, but just that I care too much. Of course, she will leave her house looking any old way, so I consider the source with that comment. She is right to a degree, but I don't want to totally go her way either. We need to meet in the middle somewhere, if you know what I mean.
Maybe this behavior is related to my teeth. They make me feel insecure, so I have to fix the areas that I can control, like my hair and my make-up, before I leave my house. I am still chewing on this thought, which I guess is the purpose of this book.
On a side note, I finally made an appointment with an orthodontist. I am suppose to go Tuesday, March 16th and at least get a free consultation of what would be involved to straighten my two front teeth. Of course, I received a letter yesterday stating that the first step would cost $250.00. I just about choked on the grape I was eating. So we will see. I probably won't follow through with this at this time. I may need to wait until both of my girls are in school and I can do some part time work during the day to help cover the cost. Hopefully, I just need to wear a retainer, and it won't be that expensive. I know, I know....wishful thinking. I'll let you know next week.
The second question that I am suppose to respond to this week was this... What are my top 3 reasons as to why it is time to deal with my insecurity? That is easy to answer. My journaling for each was long, but I'll give you the short version of each answer.
1. My insecurity keeps me from fully enjoying life.
2. My insecurity holds me back and makes me self-conscious in ministry. (Standing in front of others highlights any insecurity.)
3. My insecurity needs to be dealt with because it could easily be passed on to my two girls. I want them to grow up secure in who they are. I want them to know that they were created for a purpose and that God loves them with an everlasting love. God created them just as He wanted and to me they are perfect. It is certainly hard growing up as a female. I want them to be more secure than I ever was.
Lord willing, they will be!