In Chapter 5, Beth identifies 6 roots of insecurity. If you are insecure, then it has a root, a starting point, right? Sounds easy enough! If you have ever completed a Beth Moore study, can't you just hear her say, "Identify what that "thang" is and yank it up, beloved." She definitely has a southern twang to her voice, and in true Beth fashion, you have to add a "Beloved" in there somewhere.
The first 6 roots are instability in the home, significant loss, rejection, dramatic change, personal limitations, and personal disposition. As I was reading this chapter, I was starting to think that I was just a crazy person, because none of these roots really apply to me. I am insecure. I know that much. But, where did it come from? As a child there was no instability in my home. I have wonderful parents who loved me completely, as a child and today. I have two sisters I love very much and our relationships have always been positive...no big fights, etc. I have wonderful memories that include my immediate family and my extended family. So this one is not my issue.
I have never experienced a significant loss or at least one that rocked me to the core, like the death of one of my parents, or an immediate family member. I have certainly lost loved ones like my grandfathers and one grandmother, but maybe because they were older and to a degree, the deaths were expected due to illness, I was able to grieve and move on.
I have never experienced a rejection of epic proportions. Sure I had some rejections with boys in Jr. High and High school, and I shared how not making the cheer leading squad hurt, but, I feel like I recovered from those type of rejections. They were just a part of growing up. There was no favoritism in my home, so I wasn't rejected by a parent. I have never been fired from a job or dumped at the altar, or abandoned by a spouse.
I cannot say that I have ever suffered a dramatic change. Our family never made a major move when I was growing up, or anything similar that greatly changed life as I knew it.
I do not have a personal limitation such as a physical disability or abnormality that makes me feel particularly different from anyone else.
I will say that as I was reading about all of these, I could easily see how important a healthy childhood and adolescence is in laying the foundation of who we become. That is a huge pill to swallow as a mom. In all of my years of working with teenagers and now college students through Gene's ministry, I can clearly see the effects of things that happen in childhood. When we counsel young people, many times they mention things like being abused, watching their parents divorce and feeling responsible, losing a parent due to death, feeling inferior to a sibling who is smarter, prettier, or maybe the favorite, suffering a financial loss, dealing with a parent who has a chronic illness, addiction, or mental illness. Children don't come out of these situations unscathed, that's for sure. Beth says that the repercussions follow the children for generations. That is incredibly scary. Don't you think? Children take all these experiences into their teenage years, into their own marriages, into the work force, and ultimately into the way they parent their own children, and the cycle continues. Certainly though, those who are in Christ are NEVER without HOPE. We serve the great REDEEMER.
In momMEtime last month, one of the things that we talked about in relation to marriage, was that one of the best gifts that we give our children is a strong, healthy marriage. When I think about what Beth had to say, that the repercussions follow the children for generations, I want to make sure that I hold on to Gene even more tightly. Our marriage relationship is communicating more than I ever imagined.
Back to the roots of insecurity...At this point, I was getting a little despondent, thinking that Beth wasn't going to be able to help me. Then I read about the next one, personal disposition. This one boils down to temperament and personality. Beth said that people who are tenderhearted are more vulnerable to insecurity because we care deeply about things around us and how other people view us. I can see myself here. I can cry watching a sad commercial or movie and think about the content for days. I still refuse to watch the movie The Notebook just because I have heard how sad it is. I don't care to relive movies like Bambie or Old Yeller. It makes me sick to my stomach if I run over an animal on the highway. It breaks my heart to hear about orphans or see needs go unmet. I hate conflict and it upsets me to know that I have upset someone else. I am usually nice...(I said usually for the benefit of my sisters who may say something different), even when people are not necessarily nice to me. I am a people pleaser and I overload myself easily because of my inability to say No. I think you get the idea.
Yep, personal disposition has to be one of my issues.
I thought I was done until I read Chapter 6. Beth saved the best for last and even gave them their very own chapter: Culture and Pride. I really found myself in culture and probably pride too. I'll have to cover these in my next entry. This one is getting really long.
Until next time....