On the 1st and the 15th of every month, I pick a new verse to memorize. I have struggled over this one because I just couldn't decide. I really wanted it to come from the book of James because that is the book of the Bible that I am studying right now. But, a different one has reared its head over and over again...especially in this tough season of mothering little ones.
The verse that I chose is from Lamentations and I will have to tell you why I chose the verse as well....which is tough to share, but I think could benefit some other Momma out there.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."
This is the understatement of the year, but...Mothering little ones day in and day out is hard. I don't think I have ever had a day when I totally felt good about every decision I made, every thought that I had, or every word that came out of my mouth. Too often, I have things that I have to ask forgiveness for... either from God, from Gene, or from my little ones. I can so easily make the day all about me and what I want to accomplish. I forget that I am called to serve...to serve my husband and my children before I serve myself.
This verse came to my mind late one afternoon last week after two particularly tough days. I would like to say that the girls were being crazy and the tough days were their fault, but the fault lies within me. Two days in a row, I was just in a bad mood. I was behind with several projects that needed to get done, the house was a mess, the kids needed constant attention, as they usually do, and I was tired and grumpy. I just wanted peace and quiet and, well, let's just say that Reagan doesn't understand the word "quiet". She is a talker, plain and simple. Her love language must be quality time because she is always right up under me, and has a very difficult time entertaining herself.
I have some hormonal issues which is one of the reasons it took me over 13 years to conceive a child. When I started taking some supplemental hormones, my internal hormones balanced out. I was no longer tired, no longer grumpy, and I conceived Gracen...praise the Lord. I could not take the hormones while I was pregnant, nor the year following her birth because I was breast feeding. Anyway, fast forward another 11 months, and I am still not taking them because they run around $80.00...if I remember correctly.
Well, I might need to look into them.
At the end of the two days that I mentioned above....after being abrupt and short with my girls, especially Reagan. She came up to me and said, "Momma, do you not like me anymore?" Gut shot! I froze in my tracks, hugged her, apologized to her for being in a bad mood, told her that I loved her...and always would, and stopped what I was doing to spend time with her.
I hope I don't receive any ugly letters or anything, but I want to be as honest as I know how to be. Being a mother is a huge blessing, but it is no walk in the park. I don't get it right 7 days out of every week. I am a sinner, saved my grace. I will never be perfect, but I refuse to stay in my sin. I am thankful that God opened my eyes by the comment of a 5 year old girl, that I was not modeling Christ with my words or my actions. I should have stopped early in my personal "funk" and confessed the sin and begged God to lift me up out of the bad mood that I was wallowing in.
I am so thankful today for Lamentations 3:22-23. God's steadfast love never ceases. His mercies never end. They are new EVERY SINGLE MORNING. He is so faithful!!! And I am so thankful.
I hope this encourages you.
Until next time...
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