If you read my last entry, you'll remember that I have been so tired. Having sick children who do not sleep is so draining. I know we all need sleep, but I often think this hits me harder because of my age. An almost 40 year old probably shouldn't have an 18 month old, but that is what God chose for me. Anyway, last night I slept from 9:30p.m. until 6:30a.m. I usually get up around 5:15a.m., but I forgot to set my clock. Nine hours of uninterrupted sleep is a beautiful thing. And the night before that, I slept from 10:00p.m. until 5:30a.m. I am so thankful that both girls are sleeping again, at least for now, and I feel so much better. I have been a much more patient mother and wife the last two days.
I think motherhood is the hardest when you are sick or tired because as every mother out there knows, the responsibilities just don't stop. Even when I am up all night or when I feel like crude, I still have to get up early and meet everyone's needs. It gets old sometimes doesn't it? There are days that I just want to curl up in a ball with a blanket, a cup of coffee, and a pile of magazines...or maybe a good line-up of Lifetime movies and chill out. I don't want to do anything or think about anything. I don't want change any diapers or make any meals. I don't want to clean up messes or read Reagan another book. I just want to sit and be quiet. I have had a few of those days lately and I just have to pray through them.
Prayer is another beautiful thing. In the moments when I don't think I can make it another hour, I quiet myself and my bad mood and I talk to God. He gives me the strength and the energy to make it through those Blah days. He often helps me hour to hour, sometimes minute to minute. I love knowing that He is always there, that I am never alone and that He will hear my desperate cry for help.
Staying home with my children is a wonderful thing and I consider myself blessed to be able to do it. But some days are lonely and monotonous, especially when I am tired and run down. Just when I think I cannot take another day of the same old thing, one of the girls will do something precious. Just this morning I was talking to Reagan and mentioned her birthday month, January. As soon as I said the month she broke out into a little song and said all twelve months in order. It was the cutest thing! I didn't even know she knew the 12 months of the year. I told her how proud I was and she said, "That's nothing! I know lots of things! I also know the days of the week." She proceeded to give me that list as well. That was a sweet moment of feeling proud of my daughter and seeing that she was proud of herself. I love everything that she is learning at school this year.
Oh, Lord help me to appreciate each moment and to realize that being here for ALL of them is truly a treasure to prize!
Speaking of special moments, look at these two sisters hanging out together.
Gracen has a piece of sidewalk chalk in her hand, in case you are wondering.
Their Paw-Paw found this old Jeep and despite the fact that it is 10 years old, it still works. It doesn't go very fast so I let Reagan drive Gracen around the yard and they have the best time. They ride it almost every day. Reagan keeps her arm on her in a protective manner and Gracen squeals and laughs all around the yard. I love watching them "be sisters".
Sweet memories that make the pure exhaustion worth it.
Until next time...