Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Rough Morning

If you read my blog entry yesterday, you know that I was having a really bad morning, and I was consciously choosing joy. Well, let me just say that choosing joy is not always a magic pill, at least not immediately.

After writing my blog entry yesterday, I made the decision to visit my cousin Brian Lowery and his wife, Abby, and their beautiful new daughter, who were at Baptist East in Montgomery. My "plan" was to leave at 9:30 because I was going to meet my mother and I needed to stop and buy a baby gift. At 9:25 I was loading the girls in the car. I smugly thought I was doing pretty good. All that changed in an instant when I opened the back car door. Reagan had left cookies laying on the backseat of my car yesterday and thousands of ants had overtaken my backseat. There was no way I could put my children in there. I wanted to spray my entire backseat with ant spray and get on the road, but I knew we would smell the poisonous fumes all the way to Montgomery, so I headed inside to get the vacuum. As I was vacuuming the car, I periodically looked up to check on Gracen and Reagan as they played on the patio. As I was finishing up, I looked at the clock in my car which read 9:35 and thought, "For me, five minutes late is not too bad." I turned to get the girls and they were in the inflatable pool. I thought it was empty, but one look at Gracen told me otherwise. She was wet from head to toe. Apparently, it rained enough the night before to leave about an inch of water in there...which is plenty to completely ruin the outfit of a one-year-old, especially when she decides to lay down in it and roll around. Reagan was wet too, but not to the same degree. I have to be honest, I wanted to snatch up two girls and beat them to death. I didn't, but I really wanted to at least get in the car and leave them on the patio to fend for themselves until I got home. I didn't do that either.

We headed inside to change clothes and dry Gracen's hair. I was so irritated that my chest was starting to hurt and you'll remember from my previous post that I already had a horrible headache. I was sweaty and a little wet myself after all of this and went to change shirts.

We all went back outside to load the car and then Reagan started holding herself and chanting, "I gotta go poo-poo....I gotta go poo-poo...I gotta go poo-poo." Reagan waits until the very last minute to announce that she has to go to the bathroom. By the time she makes the announcement, you better find a bathroom quickly. By this point I am 25 minutes late, I start crying, and get both girls out of the car. While inside, I check Gracen's diaper and she is wet again as well.

We finally left about 40 minutes after I had planned. I called my mother who proceeds to laugh at my situation and then quickly stops laughing and says, "I know its not funny, but I so remember those days." I said, "I bet you had a nice peaceful morning, didn't you?" She said, "Yes, ...yes I did." I wanted to cry again.

When I hung up the phone, I was thinking, "God, you were right to withhold children from me for over 10 years as I begged You for them. You knew I was too selfish for them. You knew that I was too type-A personality to handle the craziness and mess that comes with them each day. You knew I would be irritated quickly when my mornings were no longer about me....having my quiet time, exercising, getting ready by myself, etc. And yet.....I love them so much. Thank you for my children." I turned on my ipod and listened to praise and worship music the entire 40 minute drive to Montgomery. I was still a little short tempered with them until well after lunch, but God did move in my spirit to focus on the good.

God is teaching me so much through my children and some days completely breaking me to tears as I learn that my schedule is no longer mine and it won't be for years to come. I am learning a good bit about unconditional love, grace, and mercy. God graciously gives me these things and I pass them on to my children. I definitely showed mercy when Gracen decided to get in that pool. What I wanted to do to her is NOT what I did! Thankfully God doesn't annihilate me either as I continually fall short of His holy expectations.

Life is a daily struggle and I am thankful that I have a Savior who walks with me through it all.

My day did improve. Mom and I went to Target and she bought some back to school items for Reagan and a dress for Gracen. I got a free lunch at Panera Bread and enjoyed a nice time with my mom and my younger sister. I got to see a beautiful new baby girl at Baptist East. Both girls were well behaved at all locations. Once we arrived back home, both girls rested in their rooms for close to two hours. And we celebrated my nephew's birthday at my in-law's house last night...another good time with family. Both girls were asleep by 8:30, and Gene and I went to bed right after that. I slept from 9:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. So I finally got a full night of sleep.

God is good.

Until next time...

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