Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Worrier in Me

***Notice the date at the top of this entry. Yes, I started this post on Saturday and I just got back to it late Monday afternoon. Having an infant is very time consuming.

If you know me well, you know that I am a worrier. I really try not to be. I pray against it. I know the verses in the Bible that speak against it. My favorite verse is Philippians 4:6, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God." The word NOTHING in that verse means "no thing", nada, zilch, zero.....see, I get it. Anyway, I know the verses but for some reason I cannot let go of trying to think about everything and trying to anticipate the "what-ifs" that might come to be.

Christmas causes this weakness(you might call this sin, I call it weakness) in me to flair up. One of the things that I am worried about is what to get everyone. I am constantly thinking about what I am going to get everyone on my list. I like giving gifts, but I really like knowing that what I give someone will be liked and enjoyed. I have a list of what I "think" I am getting my loved ones, but have not bought most of it yet. This is not a money issue. I have the money tucked away this year to cover all of our Christmas expenses (Thank you Lord). The issue is that I am just not sure if what I have in my mind is the right gift. If I wait a little longer maybe I will hear "the person" mention another gift that they would rather have. I have written several different lists for Reagan and Gracen, as well as for my extended family. I grabbed my list and went shopping this past Friday and Saturday and hardly bought anything. I spent most of my time second guessing my choices. Oh me! To make matters worse, Reagan doesn't have anything BIG that she really wants and she keeps changing her mind daily about the little things. This is making me crazy. And Gracen could care less, and I cannot even make up my mind about what to get her. I know, I know, just buy something, right!

I worry about what traditions to start now. Reagan is about to be 4 years old and I really think she will remember what we do this year to celebrate the season. I want to be intentional about the activities that we participate in, even the fun things like zoo lights. We have never gone to zoo lights before. The main reason is because it is an outdoor activity and let's be honest, it is really cold outside in December. So, do I want to start this outing this year, knowing that she will expect it next year....when she really doesn't even know it exists yet? Speaking of outside activities, we have never taken to her the parade or the Christmas on the Coosa or the Live Nativity or the luminaries. All of these are outdoor activities in downtown Wetumpka. I loved going to these events as a child, but up until this point Reagan has been too young to sit out in the cold. Is it time to start going? Of course, now I have another little one who might not enjoy the cold too much, either. I know, I know, just go right!

I worry about Reagan (and Gracen in the future) fully understanding the real reason for the season. I don't want to spend more time on the secular aspect of Christmas than I do the spiritual side, but in all honesty, it seems inevitable. We spend time each day talking to her about baby Jesus and what the nativity is all about. She can tell you the story, but I want it to be more than just "a story" that she can spout out. I want it to get down into her little heart. I want her to understand that the coming of Jesus Christ is the central event of history, the most joyful and meaningful occasion that we can imagine. I want her to know that every aspect of this most holy birth was part of a breathtakingly beautiful plan to rescue and redeem his fallen children. As a parent, that is a tall order and one that causes me a little anxiety. I know, I know, just do the best I can, right!

I am also very indecisive! My mother just shouted, "Amen!" I heard you, Mom. Anyway, so maybe my issue here is not so much worry as indecisiveness. Or maybe a mixture of both, which is kind of a scary combination.

On a side note, I decided on my Christmas devotional. I am reading Why the Nativity? 25 Compelling Reasons We Celebrate the Birth of Jesus by David Jeremiah. I went to buy some books on Advent but couldn't justify spending the money when I already had several good titles here at home. If you gave me a suggestion of what to read, I wrote the title down in next year's calendar at the beginning of November so I can purchase it before the month of December arrives.

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