Lay Down Your Life

I am currently doing a Bible study with a group of ladies called "The Ministry of Motherhood". It has opened my eyes to so many truths about the high calling of motherhood and the fact that this job is not for the faint of heart.

In all my years of desperately wanting children, I would see the commercials of sleeping infants being tenderly rocked by their mothers or sweet holiday scenes that made my holidays seem so empty, and I would think that those peaceful times would be the overarching theme of motherhood. It is NOT! Those commercials lie! Those peaceful moments are few and far between. Motherhood is messy, exhausting, chaotic, irritating, repetitive.....but oh, so rewarding. I am grateful this morning for the two blessings that God placed in my life.

Anyway, back to my Bible study.... Each morning, we basically read a few verses and then apply those verses to motherhood. Today my verse was John 15:13 which reads, " Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."

Did you see the important phrase? LAY DOWN HIS LIFE

This verse hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt the knot in my stomach. I felt the weight of the call on my life. This is serious stuff.

In my moments of complete irritation for picking up things all over my house for the "millionth" time or disciplining my children AGAIN and wanting to scream, "When are you going to get this?", or desperately trying to find some me time to exercise, date my husband, or just read a book, I am failing to LAY DOWN MY LIFE. I am failing.

It sounds so simple....LAY DOWN MY LIFE....In almost six years of being a mother, I haven't learned to lay down my life for the high calling of motherhood. I am involved in a greater good, something that is so much bigger than myself, bigger than today. The souls of my children are at risk as I model Christianity to them. Service is an important part of loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. They learn service from me. They will learn to serve out of complete joy and love or they will learn to serve with grumpiness. Jesus calls me to serve in a way that replaces self. He calls me to lay down myself, my wants, and my desires in service for my husband and my children.

I have never viewed this verse in relation to being a wife and a mother. Jesus is calling me to love my husband and my children so much that I will stop at nothing to serve them...to the point that I will lay down my life.

I confess, I am not there yet. So today I am praying that during each moment of irritation, God would bring this verse to my mind...more specifically the phrase..."Lesley, LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE!"

Until next time...

Changes

My husband has accepted a new job at our previous church as the Associate Pastor of Education and Youth. Yes, after six years of ministry at East Memorial Baptist Church, we are returning home to Shoal Creek.

When you leave a place of employment, you never expect to return...at least we did not. It is amazing how this has come about and how God has taken us from....no, we can't do that, to...that's an interesting thought, to...that would be really cool, to....let's start praying for God's will, to...yes, this is where we see ourselves, to....hurry up Lord and open this door, to...saying goodbye to so many friends at EMBC and saying hello to new and old friends at SCBC.

God is doing an amazing work at Shoal Creek. We were there this past Sunday and it was packed with people, most of whom we did not know, the worship was Spirit-filled, the sermon was convicting, and God was at work as many people were moved to the altar to pray, to join the church, or accept Jesus as Lord. We were amazed at how much change has occurred in the life of the church since we left 6 years ago. We are humbled and excited to be apart of what God is doing in this church and in this community.

Speaking of community, we have missed going to church in our community. We have been driving 25 minutes to Prattville to attend church and that has limited some of my ministry opportunities as a mom with young children. There are some things that I chose not to be a part of because I felt like we were constantly on the road, especially when gas went up to almost $4.00 per gallon. I am looking forward to having small groups meet in our home again and being fully involved in the ministry of the local church. I am excited for my children to see the Body of Christ in action. Reagan is also starting kindergarten in a few weeks and her school is just a few miles from our home and the church. We are looking forward to saying, "Hey, do you attend church anywhere?", when we meet people in the school, and being able to point them to the one right up the street. I also know that Reagan will love going to church and school with some of the same people. It will also be much more convenient to invite her little friends over to play or to take her to a friend's house.

We will be working with teenagers for a season and we have missed that. I am eager to teach youth girls again and have been preparing lessons for a few months now. I also plan to start a "mom group", similar to the ministry that I had at East Memorial. I need the fellowship and encouragement from other Christian moms. I don't have all the details worked out yet, but I would love to do a book club that will meet here at my house on a monthly basis.

We are so thankful to God for so many DIFFERENT reasons. This new calling has come at the perfect time....of course God is never late!

Time

I am in the middle of a 5 day getaway from my children. Words cannot describe how much I have needed some time away. Time to just be with my husband. Time to have uninterrupted conversation. Time to sit quietly beside him. Time to sleep a little later than normal. Time to just be Lesley and not mommy. Time to eat a meal before it gets cold. Time to not change diapers or wipe bottoms. Time to not referee fights. Time to not answer questions all day long. Time to not clean constantly. Time to not plan 3 meals a day and then to listen to the various complaints about what has been cooked. Time to know that you will not be awakened in the middle of the night. Time to not run a thousand errands. Time to read and be self-reflective. Time to study my Bible. Time to be still and know that God is God.

I have discovered that I am an introvert of sorts. I not shy, but I am rejuvenated by time by myself. I don't like too many days of going. I don't like too many days of busy. I don't like too many hours of noise. When life gets crazy, I really like to retreat into my house and be still and quiet. I don't need the television on or any music playing. I just like the quiet. As a stay home mom, it is easy to plan days at home, but the stillness and the quiet are hard to come by. Some days I long for quiet.

Today, I am hanging out in a hotel room by myself. Gene left at 8:30 to go and speak at a youth camp and he will return around 3:00...maybe earlier....maybe later. I am elated, not because Gene is gone, but for the time alone. The time for quiet.

I have talked to my kids twice a day. They are wonderful, enjoying two nights with my parents and two nights with Gene's parents. Knowing they are doing well, sleeping well, and having fun make my time alone even better.

I am thankful today for complete solitude.

What I Am Learning

It has been over 3 months since I have written a blog entry, so I thought I would share some of what I have been studying and learning in my time with God. I have been reading a great deal on the calling of motherhood since that is my full-time profession. If you are a Christian mom, I highly recommend these books:

1. 1.The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
   



2. The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
   



3. Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham, Jr.

I desperately want to bring God glory in the area of motherhood, and most days I feel like a complete failure. A failure in the sense that Reagan and Gracen are with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I am their constant model of Christianity. We all know that so much more is "caught rather than taught" and I wonder what I am truly teaching them. I know that I cannot stay "up" all the time. I'm human. I get tired. I get frustrated. I get lonely when Gene has to be out of town or works long hours. I get selfish. I get snappy. You get the idea. These are not behaviors that I want to teach my girls.

I want them to learn to be joyful in all things, to sacrifice for the greater good, to trust God in all situations, to be content with what they have, to love one another, to love themselves...knowing that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, to rise above fear, to trust and not worry, to fall in love with a very Holy God who expects His children to live a life worthy of His calling, etc. These things overwhelm me and when I have a day when I am snappy, for example, I feel guilty for not displaying a constant joy and peace before their little eyes.

I am learning in my failures that I have to be quick to go to God, confess my sin, and ask forgiveness, and I have to go and ask forgiveness from my daughters. The second seems to be a much more humbling process. I have done this enough that now when I raise my voice, Reagan will say, "Mommy, you are not using self-control with your voice and that does not please God", to which I would like to respond, "Oh, hush...put a cork in it!" But, I cannot say that because she is right. God uses these moments to remind me that my girls do learn from my imperfections.

The books that I mentioned are changing my view of motherhood from a season that I "get through" to a calling for my life. The calling is to biblically disciple my children. This means that I use the moments of my day to point them to Jesus, to teach them everything that I know about life and godliness, to model Christianity, and teach a Biblical worldview rather than a cultural worldview. As a mom, I can teach them lots of good things like good manners, good hygiene, success in school, excellence in dance or sports.....But if I fail to teach them to love God greatly, then I have failed...plain and simple. I have to focus on the things that have eternal value.

Through these books, I am learning that I have to cling to Jesus through daily Bible reading and prayer. I can NOT pass on something to my children that I do not have myself. I am still committed to rising early in the morning to spend time with my Creator, getting to know Him through His Word, and pouring out my heart to Him in prayer. But, I have also come to realize that my children don't see me spending that time with God because they are sleeping. Yes, that personal time is still vitally important, but to model these spiritual disciplines, I have to have a little Bible time with them during the day, not just at bedtime with Dad, as well as talk to them about my own Bible time. When Reagan wakes up in the morning, I try to say, "Let me show you what I read this morning in God's Word." I then read from my Bible and from my prayer journal to model this back and forth relationship with God. I want my girls to know that God has to consume our lives...not just our Sunday morning. I think that is why so many teenagers and college students fall away from the church. According to researchers, between 70 and 88 percent of Christian teens are leaving the church by their second year of college. That means that 8 out of 10 do not continue in their faith. According to Voddie Baucham, the reason is because religion is compartmentalized to Sunday only and minimal weight is given to spiritual matters in our daily lives. I do not want Reagan and Gracen to be in that percent and so I press on.


Philippians 3:13-14
"Brethen, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Thinking...

I truly miss my blog.
I miss sharing what God is teaching me. I have all these thoughts rolling around in my head with no where to share them.
I miss sharing pictures of my kids.
I miss sharing what is going on in my world.

I am debating on whether or not I should return to the blog world.

Any thoughts from anyone?

Birthday News & A Good-Bye

Yesterday I celebrated my 38th birthday! I know...38....I am getting really close to a big number. Gene and I celebrated on Saturday night. He took me to Outback and I ordered steak and crab cakes with steamed green beans...a splurge for me, but I thoroughly enjoyed every single bite. Then, we went shopping where I picked out some new clothes and a pair of shoes. I loved the evening out with him. On Tuesday morning, my actual birthday, Gene woke me up at 5:15, kissing me on the cheek, telling me "Happy Birthday" and how much he loved me. A sweet, sweet moment for sure! He also gave me a sweet card. At 7:30 that morning, I had to head to Holtville Elementary to register Reagan for kindergarten. That was surreal. I mentioned on Facebook that it turned out to be a little more emotional than I thought it would be. The school seemed so big compared to her little preschool and the thought of dropping her off there for 7 hours each day made me a little sad. I know it is time. She is ready for it and needs it, but I couldn't help to think how much I would miss her. When I got back home, I received several calls from family members, all wishing me "Happy Birthday" and then I turned on my computer. I was shocked to see 112 emails with birthday wishes. After lunch, I had 78 more, and then at bedtime I was greeted by 38 additional messages. Talk about feeling blessed....Facebook can brush the ego at times, and it did that for me yesterday. I had lunch at the Legends Golf Course in Prattville with all my fellow staff wives from East Memorial. I have worked with most of these women for 6 years and I just love them. They had a cake for me and sang "Happy Birthday" to me and Mrs. Margaret, our head pastor's wife, bought my lunch. I thought that was so sweet!

Here I am with my cake.

Here I am with the group. The picture was taken with an iphone and the sides are a little blurry. My mom came to babysit my girls while I went to lunch and brought me a bouquet of tulips. I thought that was incredibly thoughtful and they look beautiful on my kitchen table. For dinner, we went to Gene's mom and dad's house for pizza and an ice cream cake. We had a great time hanging out with all of his family. It was a great day! And I will get to celebrate one more time this Saturday night with my family....my parents and my younger sister and her family. And now for the good-bye... I am letting my blog go for a while. I have hit a season where I simply cannot keep up with it like I would like. My perfectionism won't allow me to do it at random times. If I cannot do it regularly, then it stresses me out. It hangs over my head on the days that I do not do it. I have also noticed that as I am studying my Bible or working on a Bible study, I am constantly thinking, "Oh, that would be great to share on my blog". That is the wrong reason to study my Bible. I am not just studying for me and listening to what God might be saying to me...I am studying for all of you and what might encourage you. I also feel like I am robbing time from my children. I want to be "present" with them and the computer distracts me. There will be time for this type of ministry/activity when they are in school. I am also going to limit Facebook time too. That is a huge time waster. I hope you have enjoyed a look into my life....and I hope I have encouraged in your walk with God.

A Memory Verse and A New Bible Sudy

Today is the first of the month which means it is time for me to pick a new memory verse. If you'll remember, I am doing the memory verse challenge with Beth Moore, picking a verse to memorize on the 1st and the 15th of each month. I am enjoying this process, but I am afraid that the verses are in my short term memory. I can remember bits and pieces of the first couple of verses, but honestly, the most recent verses are the easiest to recite. I need to work on this. Before I tell you my verse, let me tell you how I picked this particular one. It is actually been a challenge to pick one to read over and over again for two weeks solid. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about the power of God's Word and how it completely transforms lives. I love reading my Bible. I love learning about God. I rise early each morning because I want to study about Him. I don't do it because I have to, but rather because I honestly want to. There comes a point though where I have to ask myself..."Am I just studying God's Word for knowledge or am I truly being transformed?" I would like to think I am being transformed and I know in many ways I am. Yes, I am. I am growing. I am maturing in the Lord. I am a better person because of His transforming power. But yet, there are some areas that just don't seem to change. I still worry. I still deal with fear. I still doubt in some areas. I still compare myself to others. I still feel ordinary. I still feel unworthy. That is not the destiny that God has for me. I was made for more. So how do I get from here to there? I hope to find out. I am starting a new Bible study that deals with all the different questions and insecurities that women deal with on a daily basis. It basically takes every question, 12 questions in all, and answers that question based on the CHARACTER OF GOD. The answer to every question I have or issue I struggle with is really about who God is, NOT who I am. The study is a call to know God more intimately by digging into the characteristics that define Him. I am excited to dig in and learn how to apply His Word to these issues that seem to always remain. The study is Do You Know Who I Am?...and Other Brave Questions Women Ask by Angela Thomas. As soon as I saw it advertised about 2 months ago, I knew I would do it as soon as I finished my James book study, which was awesome by the way. I pray that I am different when I complete it. I pray that I can honestly say at the end of the study that I know HIM more intimately than I ever have before. I pray that His Word transforms each problem area of my life as I lay it on the altar before Him. My verse...Psalm 107:19-20 "Then they cried out to the Lord in their TROUBLE; He saved them out of their DISTRESSES. He sent forth HIS WORD and HEALED them, and DELIVERED them from their DESTRUCTIONS." It is a powerful verse isn't it? Yes, I have trouble and distresses. God has the answer for every one of them and will send forth His Word to heal and deliver me as I learn to apply His Word to my life. Say a prayer for me because I will need it! Until next time...